"It’s a movie about some people in Chicago."
Actual description of Kissing a Fool: Anonymous Max is a popular local sports broadcaster and his marriage with attractive Sam is already set up. Max is not sure he wants Sam to be his wife and offers his best friend Jay a test: Jay will try to seduce Sam and if he fails Max will have enough trust in Sam to go on with a marriage. Jay refuses, but soon they become professionally connected with Sam.
"It’s about William Wallace, who fought for the independence of Scotland. It is a… historical drama."
"It’s just about this cop who gets killed in the line of duty, and they do this cutting edge experiment to turn him into this cyber-cop, and it’s about the problems that arise because his humanity isn’t completely dead."
Actual summary of Robocop: In a dystopic & crime ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him.
"Arnold Schwarzenegger plays this guy who finds out that all of his memories are fake, and he goes to Mars, and it’s full of all these crazy special effects but all anyone really cares about is the three-boobed lady."
Actual summary of Total Recall: When a man goes for virtual vacation memories of the planet Mars, an unexpected and harrowing series of events forces him to go to the planet for real, or does he? (This is admittedly not much better than Erik’s summary.)
"Tom Hanks is this lawyer, this gay lawyer who has aids, and he doesn’t tell his coworkers - I mean his boss - that he has aids, and then they fire him and then he sues them, and Denzel Washington represents him even though he hates him. Uh… and it has that great song by Bruce Springsteen."
Actual summary of Philadelphia: When a man with AIDS is fired by a conservative law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit.
"Uh… it’s like a group of people who make a dream world to bring a person in there. And everyone is very stylish and there’s lots of cool fighting, and it looks like a Jamiroquai video. But they’re really in a van."
Actual summary of Inception: In a world where technology exists to enter the human mind through dream invasion, a highly skilled thief is given a final chance at redemption which involves executing his toughest job to date, inception.
"It’s about all these actors from the 90s who are, like, related and in a family, and Parker Posey is obsessed with Jackie O, and her brother - her twin brother - comes home to visit with his girlfriend who’s Tori Spelling, and he doesn’t really want to come home because everybody’s crazy. And the whole movie’s like a play. Everybody talks weird."
Actual summary of The House of Yes: A mentally unbalanced young woman (who thinks she’s Jackie Kennedy) flips into a murderous rage when her brother returns home to reveal he’s engaged.
"It’s about this guy who grows up in a neighborhood and falls in with the mob, and it’s about how he becomes like a made man, or uh, a gangster, and Joe Pesci and Robert de Niro are his friends. And it’s about how it all happens and falls apart. It’s a very specific kind of movie; I’m not sure that you’ll like it."
Actual summary of Goodfellas: The story of Irish-Italian American, Henry Hill, and how he lives day-to-day life as a member of the Mafia. Based on a true story, the plot revolves around Henry and his two unstable friends Jimmy and Tommy as they gradually climb the ladder from petty crime to violent murders. (AND OF COURSE I LOVED IT.)
"That’s the one with Rebecca De Mornay and she… her baby… she loses her baby, so she tries to terrorize this lady, uh, who got finger blasted by her husband. And you get to see a lot of boobs. It was really popular."
Actual summary of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle: A gynecologist commits suicide when he is accused of having sexually molested 5 of his patients, and his wife loses her unborn baby as a result of stress. She then takes on another name and applies to the nanny position that the first woman to make the accusation has announced. She gets the job and she’s up for revenge in her sly ways.
"It’s about this guy in jail, and he has a little mouse, and it’s supernatural and he cures people. And Tom Hanks is the guard and he’s nice."
Actual summary of The Green Mile: The story about the lives of guards on death row leading up to the execution of black man accused of child murder & rape, who has the power of faith healing.